New Beginnings and Dead Ends
by Iamepical
Summary: A murder shakes Manhattan. It is Blair Waldorf's 18th Birthday and Chuck was supposed to turn up so they could start from the beggining, but he never shows. Can they ever admit their love? Lily Van Der Woodsen is pregant. How will Serena take the news?
1. Prologue

**Chapter 1**

Soft.

Menacing.

Intoxicating.

A young girl, around the age of 16, sat cross-legged on a stool and listened as a man snaked around her and as the sound of her own heartbeat echoed rapidly in her chest. Closing her eyes, she pictured her safe haven where no one could get to her: a field filled with endless rows of yellow flowers sprang before her eyes and a child with a halo of hair skipped through them, hand-in-hand with an older boy, laughing as he picked her up and swung her around in the air until she was nauseous. She stared into the boy's eyes and he stared right back. As he put her down, his face began to distort as he tried to stop her from stumbling and he grinned at her. Grinned like the devil. It was him. As hard as she tried to escape reality, she knew she never could. He was always there. Watching. Waiting. Hiding.

"Tell me you love me, honey," he tickled her ear with his tongue, and she could smell the strong stench of alcohol on his breath. "Tell me you love me."

"I love you," she whispered, her voice emotionless.

He drew his hand back in the air and she hardly had time to prepare when his fist crashed against her cheek. A small "o" sound shaped her lips as if in a gasp as she fell off the stool. Her cheeks burned and she felt her previous bruises roar in protest against the further damage.

Just pretend you're not here; think of your Father. Just as she had the image of him smiling proud in his army uniform, he hit her again. With more power. His hands wrapped around her hair and pulled until large, round tears sprang in her eyes and she was forced to stumble to her feet.

"Bitch!" he spat bitterly "Tell me you love me, and this time mean it!"

"I love you, my dear,"

"That's better. Now lie down over there," her grinned at her, exposing his sharp teeth. God how she loathed that smile.

"I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be back soon, baby," he slipped through the door out of sight and she released a long breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding.

What was he going to do to her? Rape her? Probably. Kill her? Definitely. Waterfalls of tears spilt over her eyes as the realisation hit her that she didn't want to die, that she wanted to grow old and buy a house in the suburbs with two kids and a dog. She wanted to grow up and fall in love, but most of all, she wanted to thank her parents. They'd done so much for her and now she'd never have the chance to tell them how much she appreciated them and how much she loved them. Heck, before she'd left the last thing she'd told her Mum was how much she hated her; all over some stupid dress.

Think positive_. _She was going to live through this, it didn't matter what he did to her, what he said, above all she had to try and stay alive. Suddenly gathering a surge of strength, she tugged hard at the ropes trapping her wrists until a thin trickle of blood came from the cutting of the rope against skin, like a crack in a china doll. She cursed silently and tugged harder, ignoring as her arms screamed at her to stop.

"It's no use. You can't escape." It was too late. He was back.

Something silver glinted in his hands, and grinning sadistically, he turned what appeared to be a scalpel in his hands. He stared at it lovingly and with all the precision of a skilled hunter applied just enough pressure to cut his hand, as if showing what the scalpel could do; its hunger for blood. He walked over to where she laid, her arms still restrained by the ropes.

"Now I'm going to cut you until you scream and until every sin led against me has been repented. Tonight you will die,"

The tears came hard and fast now. So much for God. She was obviously just another pawn waiting to be removed from the chess board in his sick game. Words struggled hopelessly to try and scratch their way from her throat, but no sound was made but a pitiful gasp. If she really was going to die, there was so much she wanted to say to the sick bastard.

He made the first incision. She wouldn't scream. She was not going to give him the satisfaction. She would not submit herself to the twisted bastard. Her tortured soul shrieked in terror as he continued to cut, vivid red blood seeping from the wound like ink. Megan Harris had never been a religious girl in particular, despite her parents warning, but tonight, for the first time in her life, she prayed.


	2. A Waldorf Affair

_Author's note: I apologise if this is awful :/ Nothing much happens in this chapter, it's just basically a foundation for what the story will be about. Critique it harshly, but don't flame me. Let me know if they were in character or not, because knowing me they probably weren't. Parts of this Fanfic will be based on the TV programme and parts won't, so sorry if some parts don't make a lot of sense. Um, well, enjoy and review!_

**Gossip Girl here: your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattans' elite. Secrets are kept by everyone, whether they be small secrets, or secrets that if exposed have the potential to ruin lives, everyone has a little something stored away in the back of their minds. But more that often, secrets are kept with good reason, and once they get released, who knows what the outcome could be. Uh oh, I'd watch out if I were you Manhattan, I have the feeling a storm is brewing.**

Outside the rain fell continually. Throughout mid-afternoon it had fallen in small, tear-like drops, but now it was nearing night and the black storm clouds had marched in, the rain now splattering fast and hard like ink against the window pane.

Blair Waldorf stared appreciatively into her mirror and tugged a brush through her mass of chestnut curls. She ran her hands down her body, smoothing out any creases the Eleanor Waldorf piece had gained whilst waiting in her wardrobe. The dress brushed her knees elegantly and the silky material hugged her curves in all of the right places. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips; he would love it. The black dress was simple, but alluring, sexy, but not too revealing. It was perfect. Tonight was going to be perfect. Blair heaved a long sigh as she thought of small candle lit table she'd had her maid set up in her guest room, romantic classical music playing in the background. Not her taste in music exactly, but he'd see that she was making the effort. He would see how much she cared when he saw the rose petals scattered about the fresh bed sheets. He would love her the way she loved him.

Flipping open her phone, Blair pressed the name which read _Serena Van Der Woodsen_. No answer. She was probably over at the Humphreys' not able to hear her phone above the lively banter, but it didn't matter, she would leave a message.

"Hi, Serena. It's B here. As you know, my party is tonight. It starts at 7.00, so be there. Oh, and Serena, bring a hot date, preferably not Dan Humphrey. I don't want you showing me up. Tonight is the night I'm going to tell Chuck Bass I love him,"

Satisfied, she threw the phone on her bed and took a final glance at herself in the mirror.

"You look stunning, dear" Eleanor Waldorf, her mother, materialised behind her. "Like a princess"

Now all she needed was a prince to sweep her off of her feet. Tonight was Blair's 18th birthday party, and no Waldorf affair went ahead without fireworks.

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Turning the key in the lock and double-checking that the apartment was criminal-proof, Rufus Humphrey ran a hand through his mess of black hair and mentally prepared himself for Blair Waldorf's birthday party; another night of watching a bunch of pretentious women plaster fake smiles on their faces as they forced themselves to be polite to Lily Van Der Woodsen's latest 'fling'. The contempt, however, was evident of their faces and he could tell they were thinking _what on earth is she doing with him? _Not that cared in particular. Lily was worth it. Finally, he lifted his head and smiled to let Lily know he was ready to leave.

"Come on, Lil. Let's go," he said

"You do know, Rufus, that the chances of someone wanting to break into your apartment are about as likely as the survival of a snowball in a desert. You have a 20 year old sofa and a television that doesn't work," she smiled, slipping her hand into Rufus's as they walked together. As always, an outburst of pleasure surged through her as their fingers entwined. This was all still so new for her, and she was afraid their delicate bubble of happiness fenced with barbed wire could burst at any moment, but the longer she spent in the company of Rufus Humphrey, the more he made her love him. But she would have to tell him the truth soon, and she was afraid. Afraid that the man she loved would not want her any more.

"It's not supposed to work. That way, if anyone does steal it, it wouldn't matter. So, what happened to Dan and Serena? I thought they were taking the limo with us?" asked Rufus tightening the grip on Lily's hand. He knew that Nate had picked up Jenny and Eric, and Chuck…well; no one ever knew where Chuck Bass was.

Lily laughed, and the tinkling sound sent his heart into a pathetic series of flutters. "Well, they said they would make their own way there. You know what they're like, wouldn't want to be seen with their socially retarded parents,"

"Don't you mean parent? I think I'm pretty cool, myself. You, on the other hand…" Rufus teased.

Before she had the chance to open her mouth and reply, the limo pulled on the road side and the driver beeped his horn impatiently. Rufus hurried over and opened the door for her, and Lily grinned at the stupid look on his face. Unlike her previous relationships where she had often been treated with very little respect, Rufus treated her like a Queen. And she loved him all the more for it. She couldn't tell him what had happened, not tonight. She wanted them to enjoy the evening; that at least they would have forever.

Rufus followed her into the car and for the first time took her in. She looked breath-taking. He drank in every feature, from her beautiful brown eyes, her full lips and her blonde hair which was tied elegantly into a bun on her head. She wore a vibrant blue dress, the colour of which suited her complexion perfectly, that lightly swept the floor. Around her neck was adorned a pearl necklace, a gift he couldn't help but buy her ever though she had told him countless times she didn't care about how much money he had. To him she was worth every single penny. He reached over and placed a hand on her knee, and she placed her hand over his.

Everything about Lily Van Der Woodsen was perfect, and he still couldn't quite believe that they were finally together. Despite the fact that they were now on their way to Blair Waldorf's birthday party where everyone would look down their noses at the has-been-rockstar from Brooklyn, at that moment in time, Rufus Humphrey could not have been happier.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bounding expectantly to door after she heard the shrill sound of the doorbell, Blair pulled it open, her face dropping.

"Oh. It's you, come on in,"

"I take it you were hoping it was someone else," laughed Serena at the comical look of disappointment on Blair's face.

She ordered the maid to collect Serena's coat and the two girls slumped on the sofa together, neither of them saying a word. Both of them had other, more pressing matters on their mind than worrying about making small talk to each other. For a while they both sat in a deafening, but comfortable silence, staring about at the window and mesmerized as the rain flurried from the sky and collected on the leaves of a lone willow tree.

"Have you-"

"Me and-"

Blair and Serena both laughed.

"You go first, Blair"

"It's nothing important. You don't happen to know where Chuck is, do you? He said he'd be here almost an hour ago?"

Serena supplied a raised eye brow and colour flushed Blair's cheeks, co Serena knew now was not the time to question her.

"Sorry, I don't. But then Chuck never tells anyone where he is going. He'll be here soon," sensing her friend's worry, Serena reached out and placed a comforting hand on Blair's cold arm. Although she sparkled on the exterior, Serena knew better than to be fooled; something was troubling Blair.

"So," said Blair hastily changing the subject "What's up with you?"

"Me? Oh, you know, my Mum and Rufus. And Dan and I have just broken up. Again." Tears threatened to break free from their prison and Blair leaned forward and hugged her, biting back a pitiful comment of what she thought of Dan Humphrey.

"Forget him. It can't be hard, seeing as he _is_ from Brooklyn. He doesn't deserve you"

Serena smiled, exposing her pearly white teeth and pulled away from Blair's embrace.

"My mascara is running now,"

"Come on," said Blair grabbing her best friend's hand. "I'll help you redo your makeup before the other guests start arriving"

The two young women wondered upstairs and into the spacious marble bathroom. Some birthday this was turning out to be.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lily and Rufus arrived at the Waldorf mansion around 8.30 pm, an hour later than they had planned. It was, Lily concluded, completely Rufus's fault. They'd stopped the limo outside some 5 star restaurant because Rufus insisted that Lily was not allowed to go to the toilet in 'Bob's Burgers' because the toilets were in a disgusting shape and Bob himself checked out every woman that walked through there. So he had the driver wonder round for a good half hour before he found a place where there was no 10 year old grime clinging to the ceiling, and then he'd followed Lily in there to tell her that although she looked great in that dress, she would look far better without. Not much better than him, she was completely under his charm and they 'made out', so to speak, and, uh, more, in the spotless toilets which must have got cleaned at least once every hour to maintain their perfect standard.

"We're late," Lily tried her hardest to scowl as they finally rang the doorbell. Rufus grinned at her in response and he reached out to tuck a strand of loose hair behind her ear. She couldn't help but smile back. For the first time in years, she felt somewhat young again.

"Ah, Lily," Eleanor Waldorf opened the door and eyed them, annoyed, over her spectacles. "I was beginning to think you weren't coming,"

"Oh, well, we got stuck in traffic. You know how it is in Manhattan," Lily lied.

"Hmm," Eleanor glared at them like they were a pair of naughty school children, which, Lily supposed, they kind of were. "Oh, and Lily, your lipstick is smudged. Here, have this tissue,"

As she disappeared around the corner Rufus and Lily caught each other's eyes and burst into a sudden fit of laughter. Arm in arm, they made their way up the winding staircase and into the ballroom. True to the extravagant Waldorf style, the room contained several angel ice sculptures and a thousand glittering stars twinkled on the ceiling, like a handful of diamonds scattered on a sheet of silky black velvet. Luckily, the room was already packed with people and they slipped in unnoticed; Lily felt as if she were walking into a fairytale. In that instant when she looked across at Rufus, he appeared so happy and contented that she knew she had to tell him.

Tonight. Before anything stopped her and she changed her mind.

"Rufus, there's something I have to tell you,"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_I can't make it tonight. I had business to attend to. Forget about me. You deserve better. Chuck._

"Oh, B," Serena flung her arms around Blair as she read Chuck's note over her shoulder. "I know how much you wanted him here,"

Blair knew she should have returned the gesture, but a wave of numbness swept over her and she found her limbs were unable to respond. Chuck, he'd signed it. Nothing else. No love. Three words and eight letters: for months they'd played mind games flitting around those words, and tonight was they were meant to start over. How could she have been so foolish? He was Chuck Bass, the millionaire who was notoriously known for having his very own personal harem of women, and she seriously expected him to turn up for her 18th birthday party. She felt completely humiliated. But Chuck Bass would pay for this. Screw new beginnings.

**Poor B. Looks like her birthday didn't go quite to plan. But then did she really think bad boy Bass would give up his ways for another notch on his bed post? I'd watch out if I were you Chuck, nobody plays games with Blair and gets away with it.**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"What's wrong, Lil?" Rufus asked as she led him outside. It was still raining, harder and faster than ever and the small droplets clung to Lily's cheeks like tears.

A pain tightened in Lily's chest as Rufus smiled at her reassuringly. She could see his love for her flickering like a candle behind his eyes, but she feared that when she told him that flame would be extinguished, and she didn't know if she would be able to bear it.

"Rufus…" she began. "The thing is, I'm pregnant," when you admitted the truth Lily thought it was suppose to be a weight off your shoulders, but the feeling of relief never came. Whoever it was who came up with that notion must have been talking balls.

For a moment, he looked stunned. Then, a flurry of a thousand different emotions flitted across his face: fear, love, shock, joy. He wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her in, kissing her neck as they fell into a neat embrace. Lily suddenly found herself wishing feverishly that they could have remained like that forever, but all too soon they broke apart. Rufus smiled, happily, sadly.

"A baby eh?" he said. "After Dan I never expected to be a Dad again, Lil, but I always thought that if I was then it would be with you,"

To her surprise, he looked thrilled despite that they had only been together a month or so. The pain in her chest loosened a little, but the worst was not over yet.

"Oh Rufus darling," she began trying, and failing miserably, to keep her tone light. "The thing is, I'm at least 3 months gone and I don't know if the baby is yours or Bart's. I'll understand if you can't deal with it, but-" her voice broke at the point and even though what she was telling him hurt, Rufus' heart broke into at her sadness. "We've already lost one child…I can't loose another,"

She waited, the wind flurrying around her like a pack of angry dogs waiting to spring an attack. Closing her eyes was all she could do to stop herself from crying. Rufus couldn't possibly want a child which might not be his, he just couldn't.

It seemed like an eternity before he spoke, but when he did his voice came out as a soft breath.

"Lily, I don't care, ok? I don't care. This baby, our baby, we'll raise it together; a fresh start. I've waited my entire life for you Lil and I'm not about to let you go again now,"

Passionately, ardently, their lips met and Lily ran her hands through his hair, playing with the soft, black, unruly strands. His hand laid on the crevice her back, and Lily felt her heart could have exploded with pleasure. Rufus still loved, despite her carrying a child which may not have been his, he still loved her. They remained like that for what was a brief but timeless moment, with the rain flurrying around them on a night which had brought about new beginnings.


End file.
